I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
