I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
