i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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