Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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