The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
