i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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