Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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