What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
