Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
