I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
