I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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