Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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