Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
