i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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