is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
