She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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