That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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