She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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