We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
