we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
