You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
whose parrot is this?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
