I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I need moral support for this bender
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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