he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
