I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
