Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
