If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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