U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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