I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize