I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
