can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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