i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
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just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
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I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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