don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
