If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
