i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
