I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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