i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
