im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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