i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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