Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
