Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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