Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
