I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize