omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
