Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
