i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
