Soap is not a condiment
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's never too late to be topless.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
