ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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