dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
