I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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