oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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