So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
