I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
