I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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