I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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