how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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