i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
