I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
