I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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