My first STD was from a foam party
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
