Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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