fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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