I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
