Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
