This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
