I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
