why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
