He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
