You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
