how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
