she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
