I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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