Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
