just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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