Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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