there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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