Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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