Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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