Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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