I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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