If i come over, it means nothing
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
