We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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