i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
