The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
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You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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